Twelfth Fear: The Convocation

So I'm hoping I can get this done without waking Danny. He's been pretty persnickety about lights at night lately, and I'm not entirely sure how to dim down the monitor.

Laptops confuddle me.

So...

Yeah...

Life's been pretty crazy lately.

Let me sum up a few things quick:

• James is no longer with Anna. She had the balls to ask if his son was more important than her. He immediately replied with an obvious Yes, followed by a swift Fuck You for even asking such a crude question.
• We're looking into moving back in together. One, it'll be easier for him to feel he has a purpose if he watches Danny while I work; two, I won't be so terrified with having to put Danny in daycare; and three, if we're in the same household, maybe he can get help from the county to get a job, too. We're not sure about that just yet, I need to talk to my employment counselor about what we'd need to do to get him the help he needs.
• I got my taxes filed, and will be getting just under $6k! Holy cow! :D That'll really help out! I want to pay off my student loan right away so I can get back into school, then buy a cheap car (my dad will put me under his ins. again), then keep a nestegg for when I finally move out.
• I need to get on the list for Section 8/subsidy housing ASAP. I love my aunt, I do, but I just got in another big fight with my uncle and I'm tired of his crap. Though, she says she's proud of me for actually sticking up for myself this time, and calling him out on being rude and hurtful. We've made up, and he apologized, but still. These screaming matches are getting ridiculous.
• My birthday was alright, got pretty drunk on my tequila, James decided not to drink with me. Tequila doesn't sit well in his system; his body doesn't absorb it, so he either has to puke it out or he stays the same level of drunk because it won't leave his stomach. Weird, right?
• I LEARNED HOW TO CROCHET AND I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR IT. I made Danny a pair of slippers yesterday, and they fit so nice. :3 I should put a drawstring on them, though; they tend to fall off his (lack of) ankles, and I want him to be able to keep them on through his wiggling at night.

I think that's it. I CAN FINALLY DO ANOTHER FEAR POST! OH JOY!

The Convocation

The Storm, The Flock, Thunderbirds, Ziz, Roc, FEATHERED, PRE13

Description:

So, the Convocation is kind of an interesting fear. I don't find it particularly scary, but I don't think birds are scary in the least. I mean, what can they do to you that a rifle can't do to them? o_O

I like to hunt. I'm a damn good shot. Hunting birds isn't hard. Birds aren't scary.

But I guess some people find them scary, so Tada! Convocation1

The Convocation is a ginormous flock of black bird things. They look like seriously giant birds, black as night, and when they fly, their wings generate electricity and thunder, almost like a storm.

I guess I don't really know a whole lot about this Fear, there aren't a lot of accounts on it other than an "urban legend" of the Witch of Gatlinburg. When the Convocation takes a person, they become a host of sorts, called a Nest. The birds basically hollow out a body and live inside it, controlling it and whatnot. When they want to come out, they'll either make a slice on body they can fly out of, or they'll fly out of the mouth.

This Fear doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, the more I think about it.

BUT IT DOES HAVE A FOS! :O

Fortress of Solitude: The Bleak Shore

Well, okay, this FOS isn't really too interesting.

It's a giant shoreline filled with black sand, I would assume on an ocean. There's a constant storm on the horizon. I guess their Nests use it to travel? I dunno exatly.

Like I said, it's not really that cool. :/

I don't know how they choose their victims, since again, there aren't a lot of reports to go by, but I've never heard of anyone surviving them. I mean, they either peck the flesh from your bones or turn you into a Nest. I've read somewhere that they can speak, and they'll give you the choice of either being a Nest or lunch, but that's only in one place. So who knows?

Thunder is an ominous sound, no?

Sorry if this is kind of short, there really isn't a lot of information on this Fear to go by.

Let's see, what else is new...

Um.

Oh, we have a date for Danny's baptism. Have I talked about that yet with y'all? April 7th at noon. I need to get some paperwork printed out and filled out and mailed out for that. I just got done with the paperwork needed for childcare assistance, gonna mail that in to my financial worker asap. Just sent an email to my employment counselor about school and what she thinks I should do and if my return's going to affect my assistance at all. I hope not, that'd be so freaking shitty...

I'd have more to talk about, but... I really want to cuddle my Danny boy tonight. My uncle decided today to verbally attack me, and I always get so drained and depressed afterwards. I mean, after he calmed down he apologized, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. I understand his concerns, and to be fair, if he'd DISCUSS things with me, I'd be much more receptive to them, but screaming them at me like I'm a fucking moron doesn't exactly leave me listening to a work he says. To my ears, it's pretty much "BLAHBLAHBLAH I AM AN ASSHOLE AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT ANYBODY THINKS BECAUSE I AM RIGHT AND YOU ARE WRONG I HAVE BEEN AROUND LONGER THAN YOU SO I MUST KNOW SO MUCH MORE ABOUT EVERYTHING YOU THINK YOU KNOW!" Which is a complete crock of crap.

Then he started screaming about how he doesn't want me around anymore and how he thinks I'm a lazy, terrible mother because, instead of saying Foot to Danny, I say Footies, and instead of Teeth I say Teefers. Y'know, little baby words that children say that we think are cute. He thinks he knows so much more about this stuff because he gets parenting emails and joined a forum.

>_> Right. And yet when I use the internet as a resource for argument, I get my butt chewed?

I don't have time for his bullshit. Or patience. My anxiety's still pretty bad, even after being on prozac for nearly a month. My aunt thinks the psychiatrist will try upping my dose, but... Ugh, I have such an aversion to mental medications, it's like admitting to the world that I'm crazy. Then I have to get a diagnosis assessment from her to send to my employment counselor; when you go through a welfare-to-work program, they make you fill out a mental health screening thingy. When I was done, Bao, my counselor, was like, "Er... Are you seeing a therapist?? o_O" I told her I was, and a psychiatrist, and I'd just started medication. So she asked if I could get verification from them both on what they think about me working and what I should be able to handle. We'l see how that goes.

... Y'know, I took my sleep med almost 2 hours ago, and I'm still awake. A little disoriented, but still awake. I think it's time I logged off and got some shut-eye with my baby boy. I miss cuddling with him. <3

Night everybody. I missed writing for you all!

Day After Crazy Weekend!

Hello! I have returned to a computer! :D

Which is good, I hate trying to type on my iPod.

My thumbs are stupid, and have a hard time typing on it.

Yet I want an iPhone? xD

The weekend was fun, though. I mean, it could have been better, but it could have been much worse.

I wanted to clarify a little bit about James.

So, the reason he didn't respond to my message: he thought I was being snarky about not wanting to be FB friends. Which, y'know, I guess I kind of was, but I was being honest nonetheless.

We talked, a lot, about everything that went wrong during the pregnancy and since. And he really wanted me to make it clear on here that he still loves me, and he will always love me, even when I get mad and we stop talking and stuff. He's sick and tired of his fiance, Anna, telling him how to interact with me. Our friendship was perfect before she stuck her nose in it, which, I learned, happened much sooner than I thought it did. He misses his best friend, and the only person who's ever made him actually feel good about himself.

I FIND THAT TO BE A RECURRING THEME AMONG THE MEN IN MY LIFE.

... And the sex was good. ^w^

I can't help myself!

I'm sorry!

He's just... so damn good at it! xD

There's a reason we had a kid together, y'know. Other than lack of protection during Tequila Rock Band.

I like tequila... :3

So, yeah. We're no longer fighting. And I guess we're technically cheating on Anna.

I'm okay with that.

Oh, yeah, James has always been a cheater. He's pretty much a nymphomaniac.

I'm quite serious about that.

It never bothered me, because I knew about it ahead of time and frankly, I'm not a whole lot better on that front. I mean, I can NOT cheat, but I have a hard time staying committed. Y'know, bad past and whatnot. I'm kind of a commitment-phobe. That's why I don't mind James' cheating.

Honestly, we've always had such an open relationship, it's just never been an issue between us.

Take that as you will, I don't care much what you think about it. We're finally happy again, and that's what counts.

My aunt made a comment on New Year's, saying that the last year was so bad for me, this new one just has to get better.

^w^ She was so right!

I'm finally happy.

I have my best friend back, Danny has his daddy again, everybody still hates Anna, I met Jordan (<3), I'm getting my ducks in a row...

Now to get over my fear of being away from Danny, and I'll be able to work again.

I just want a part-time job. Maybe waitressing? I can do that. I have before. And, once I have a car, I know the Applebee's by Gizmo's place is hiring. Then I could have him babysit!

OH MY GOD THAT COULD ACTUALLY WORK!!! :O

I just got excited. :3

I should run this by Giz, see what he thinks. ^w^

Anyway, everyone loved the cake I made.

Never made a double layered cake before.

Apparently I'm an awesome baker/cook. :D

That also makes me happy.

Oh man, I'm just so fucking happy, it's ridiculous!

My plan for the day here is to get all our laundry done (I'm washing sheets, too, so it'll take longer), eat that last slice of birthday cake (IT IS SO FUCKING DELICIOUS!!!), draw that picture I planned for Jordan, and write a Fear post.

I think we'll do The Convocation. That one's pretty creepy. :3

Alrighty kids, I've got things to get done. Will post later.

SIDE NOTE! I have a Tumblr now, that I can easily update from my iPod. It will be filled with random thought bubbles, because I'm cool like that. If you're more interested in reading my crazy, it's here. I'm gonna try and tone down the more personal stuff on here by putting it there. I don't know how many people are rightfully interested in anything I have to say, but eh. What the hell, yeah?

In the meantime... I made a pizza! :D

Eleventh Fear: The Quiet

GOT TO TALK TO JORDAN YAY! So glad he enjoyed his trip! He said Finland was gorgeous, Rappu (the girl he went to meet about the Rapture drawings) was fun and nice and stuff, and he got presents! Yay! Said he got some books, and these ones I hadn't heard of before? Moomins? I guess they're like... Trolls, or something? I'm not entirely sure, but they're pretty cute-looking creatures. :3 I'm gonna have to look into these books for Danny. I think he'd like the pictures, anyway.

And he liked my drawings! ^_^

Doc Visit

So Danny had his appointment with the orthotist today.

That's a doctor who like... ... Er, fuck, they give you like, prosthetics and shit? I don't even know, I'd have to look it up and I'm lazy.

I just know she gave him his helmet.

We went from 10 mm difference to 5. :D

MAJORLY HUGE IMPROVEMENT!!!

I Think I Need a Hobby

I have decided.

To keep myself preoccupied, I am going to plan out and write/post a Fearblog! :D

Tenth Fear: The Choir

Feeling a little better now...

Still very anxious, but at least I can kind of breathe. That's always a plus.

Ugh. o_e;

Which Fear Next?

Good morning everyone.

Danny didn't wake up at 3 again, but because I had to stay up so late doing laundry, I couldn't fall asleep til about 1:30. He woke up at about 6:30, in turn waking me up and giving me a pounding migraine.

This tends to be a recurring thing with me.

So I got him changed, grabbed his sippy, and since he was still rubbing his eyes like he didn't want to wake up yet, I put him back down in his crib, turned off the lights, and played his lullaby book.

And then he screamed bloody murder for about 10 minutes.

Ninth Fear: The Blind Man

So, SOMEBODY decided to be an amazing distraction yesterday. Sorry for the no-post. *coughJORDANcough* :D

Eighth Fear: The Manufactured Newborn

Oh man, I missed this. I missed writing.

I MISSED YOU GUYS. <3

I hate the holidays. Well, I don't HATE THEM hate them, I just get super stressed out and I tend to overbook myself and I go crazy pretty bad. Lots of fun to be had by all. :D I like spending time with friends and family and presents and food and stuff, I just can't stand the amount of stress that comes with all that crap.

Yay!

Oh my God.

I FINALLY HAVE A DAY TO MYSELF!

... Well, as much to myself as I can with an 11 month old.

Seventh Fear: The Wooden Girl

So, recap:

Danny's Dad

It's a good thing I wrote myself a note before falling asleep last night. I would've forgotten everything I wanted to say otherwise.

Sixth Fear: The Plague Doctor

So I was reading this blog here. I think he decided to end it. Which makes me sad, because I was kind of enjoying it a little.

:/ Sad panda is sad.

Blaaaaaargh...

o_________o

Damn it, iPod...

Why'd you decide now to let Rapture work...?

I COULDN'T SLEEP TIL LIKE, 1 AM!

Ah well. I have coffee.

^w^ With eggnog.

Quick little Update

I decided to start reading Rapture.

I'm here.

I'm already laughing my ass off.

Fifth Fear: The Grotesque

Relatively uneventful day. Danny's still fighting sleep, and it's ten to 9. That's insane. He's not screaming; I made sure I turned the monitor on. I know it's on, I can hear Kiwi giggling every once in a while. I know it's on.

Not doing that again.

Fourth Fear: The Unnamed Girl

I learned today that one of the children from the CT shootings, a little girl, had family here in the Twin Cities. Grandparents.

According to them, they'd talked with her that morning, and she was trying to convince her mom to let her wear a dress to school. A pink little party dress. She wanted to look pretty, they were celebrating the holidays in class. Her mom finally relented and let her wear the dress to school.

She was killed in a pink party dress. Her favorite dress.

As my aunt said, "She looked beautiful for Jesus that day."

Third Fear: The Cold Boy

I don't know how long I'm gonna have... I put Danny down for bed, and he's fighting it like a fiend. Fought me tooth and nail trying to get his Elmo jammies on, fought even harder against the two pairs of socks and the slippers, and battled most valiantly against the helmet. I think most of his gumption's gone, he's pretty quiet, but every few minutes I hear a little whine over the monitor. He should fall asleep fairly quickly, he was pretty floppy when I picked him up and kept rubbing his eyes and yawning.

Second Fear: The Smiling Man

Okay, I have to do this fast before Danny decides to get fussy... It's creeping up on bedtime, and he tends to get a little crazy right about now.

So! Second Fear we'll be discussing is The Smiling Man.

First Fear: Slenderman

So, going with the idea of doing one Fear at a time, we'll start with Slenderman. His own mythos started the Fear Mythos, so why not go to the source?