Ah well, I had more fun talking on AIM than I've had in a long while. I need friends. :/ I mean, Danny and I go to his playdates, and he has fun, but I don't connect well with the other moms. They're all married and older, and I just kind of feel like the black sheep of the group. Not like they don't try to include me, they do, but we just have nothing in common other than babies. But they're such sweet little boys!
Hehe, yeah, our playdate is pretty much boy-infested. There's like, two girls who go? Sometimes? Otherwise it's all the boys. Danny and Quinn and Aksel (axel) and Kamden and Liam and Roman... It's so fun. ^_^ They're all so freaking cute! x3
Had therapy today. She's such a nice lady, I told her all about the Slenderman thingy and she even watched a video with me!
:') She screamed.
I lol'd.
We were discussing daycare, because I'm so terrified of leaving Danny. I mean, after everything we've been through, and being separated for almost a month, I really don't know if I have it in me to leave his side. It sounds kind of irrational when I think about it objectively, but from my perspective, it's perfectly understandable. Makes it cripplingly impossible for me to consider looking for work, but eh. Maybe after the psychology appointment in a couple weeks I'll get something to help me cope? Coping is hard, yo.
That reminds me.
So, talking on AIM with Jordan. That was awesome. :3 He's very sweet and such a cutie. Makes me feel a little old, but that's nothing new; even among people my age, I feel old. Then again, I had to grow up so fast... Like, I'm 22, gonna be 23 this month. I feel AT LEAST 30. Not many young adults have had to deal with the things I have, and having to learn to handle my own psyche along with the psychosis of those I've been forced to interact with has taken its toll.
ON THE PLUS SIDE, I CAN COOK! ^_^
Other hand, sometimes I feel like I'm slipping.
... Does that make sense?
I mean, I don't know if slipping is the right word, yet it is. I feel like I can't always control my head, which is pretty true, but the last... I want to say year... it's just been worse and spiraling and daunting and hard, yo. ._.'
At least we're safe. As long as my Danny is safe, fuck you. :D
I AM A TOUGH MAMA, AND I WILL TAKE YOU ALL DOWN! >3
Rawr. <3
The Blind Man
Not a lot of other names for him, so... Yeah! ^w^
Description:
Is it weird to say I love a Fear? Because I do, srsly. The Blind Man (BM) is pretty damn awesome. If only because I feel like he's an accumulator of knowledge, and I find myself to be drawn to anything that absorbs information. LIKE A SPONGE! :O
The Blind Man is kind of self-explanatory. I mean, he's an old dude, white hair, with... Well, I don't really know if he has eyes or not. Some places say he does, some don't. But he'll either have dark sunglasses over his eyes (or lack thereof) or a blindfold on. He carries a book and pen (or some kind of writing utensil), and he... writes stuff? xD
Okay. The reason he's a Fear is because he can make you forget. What I wouldn't pay to forget...
If BM writes your name in his book, he takes your childhood. Wouldn't it be nice to forget?
Not just memories. Never be hurt...
All of it. Never cry yourself to sleep...
Everything is gone. Never remember the things you've done...
Your family. Never remember the people you've hurt...
Your friends. The slate wiped clean...
Your life. Everything you thought, everything you've heard, everything that's ever hurt you and destroyed you and broken you beyond repair...
Gone.
And that's... That's kind of scary, when you think hard about it.
More so because you don't know it's gone.
I don't know if he chooses victims, or they just stumble upon him, or what. But he tends to frequent libraries, and I've read a few places he will work with other Fears, or thwarts them, or... Not entirely certain, there are too many conflicting reports. HE'S NOT EXACTLY AN EASY FEAR TO UNDERSTAND, YO.
Fortress of Solitude: The Catacombs
Whenever I read entries on BM's FoS, I imagine the labyrinthine tunnels and passageways of the catacombs of Rome or Paris. Though, instead of like, skeletons and dead bodies and shit, BOOKS! BOOKS UPON BOOKS UPON BOOKS OH MY GOD I WOULD LOVE TO OWN THAT MANY BOOKS can people buy libraries?
But yeah.
So they're hallways lined with books and spiderwebs and spiders... I hate spiders... BM can keep the spiders, I want the books. :3
I guess, supposedly, the spiders weave the pages of his books? Not too keen on that, I like paper m'self. Works great with graphite. And crayon. ^w^
Anyway, this is where he and his... followers? proxies? peeps?, chill. And all they do is gather knowledge. Which is bomb. I would be totally okay with being a BM follower, as long as I was able to like, go out and obtain knowledge. Oh man, just thinking about all that... THE PLETHORA OF KNOWING! :Q...
What did you want to be when you grew up?
... I'm sorry if that wasn't terribly well written, I'm being assailed by country music. o_o;
I hate my uncle sometimes...
I HAD THE BEST LUNCH EVER THOUGH! Cheese and green onion roll-ups, made in a quesadilla maker, then I put sour cream, BACON-BITS because omnomnom, and taco sauce on the inside. AND I ATE IT. AND IT WAS FUCKING DELICIOUS. Highly recommend you try it, soooooo worth it. :3
Eh.
Sorry, my mood's kinda all over the place right now.
Realized today I haven't talked to my boyfriend in like, two weeks. I don't know why. I must've done something wrong? Or maybe because I didn't want to... y'know, "do it" last time we were together... I'm so nervous about after-baby me I'm terrified of anybody seeing me without like, a sweatshirt and jeans on.
I can take my socks off though! I have adorable feet. But I can't guarantee they won't stink. :3
As tough and boisterous as I am, I have absolutely no self-worth.
When you spend your entire childhood being told you're fat, ugly, worthless, never gonna amount to anything, stupid, nobody will ever love you or care about you, you're a waste of oxygen intake... Yeah, doesn't do your psyche much good.
Maybe that's why I'm probably gonna be single forever?
*shrug*
Ah well, at least I won't have to deal with assholes or whiny vagina-boys. I can live with being alone, been doing it for a long time and, in my opinion, it's the easiest way to handle life.
Keep it simple.
It is a lonely existence, though.
...
Blah, I'm gonna get all emo and shit if I keep thinking about it. DISTRACTION TIME!
Gonna go back to catching up on Rapture. I think I only have like, 15 posts left to read? I forgot. I counted earlier, but... :D I have the memory of a cockroach. Or maybe a goldfish? Do cockroaches have memories? I've never actually seen a cockroach... In real life, I mean. WHICH IS FINE BY ME, I DON'T LIKE NASTY BEETLE-LOOKING THINGS.
Le sigh...
Just once, I wish someone would love me back...
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