After my aunt came home, I fed Danny, she cooked dinner (ham steak+eggs+bacon+fried potato+cinnamon bread), then she damn near had to force me out the door to do my last-minute Christmas shopping and grocery run. I kept arguing to wait til Danny fell asleep, but alas, she won. So I went. Got my gifts, got the groceries, and was home in time to rock my baby to sleep. :3 Then I had a chat with my aunt, put on my super-awesome-fuzzy-pajama-pants and HERE I AM!
Didja miss me? <3
The Wooden Girl
The Wooden Girl, Harlequin, PUPPETEER, Splinter, String-Mistress, Queen of Threads, Kathputli, Manipulator, Marionette, PRE 05
So, I dunno about you guys, but when I was a little girl, I hated porcelain dolls. FUCKING HATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATE with a fiery passion. Legit, yo.
Why?
Oh God, they freaked me out so bad. O_O
I used to honestly think that, when the lights turned off, they would turn their heads to stare at me in my sleep. That was it. Just stare...
That's creepy enough, kthx.
I made my mom get rid of all the dolls she'd put in my room when this fear materialized. She didn't really want to, because she wanted me to LIKE dolls and girl toys and girl things... She did it anyway, though. She could see how freaked out I was.
Few years later, my aunt (this aunt's sister) was finally able to make it up for Thanksgiving/Christmas at my dad's parents' house. Yaaaay, awesome, my uber-rich aunt got me a PRESENT! :O
...
She got me a doll. T_T
I'm one of those people who, if you really mean that much to me, no matter how bad the present is, I'll keep it. And keep it I did. I turned the box around so it faced the wall, and hid it behind a bunch of junk in a corner of my room, letting it collect dust.
While I was moving, I found the box.
Picked it up.
Turned it around.
...
._. The fucking head was on backwards, like it was trying to look through the box to where I was sleeping.
IMOTHERFUCKINGHATEPORCELAINDOLLSWITHAMOTHERFUCKINGPASSIONOHMYGODDAMNJESUSCHRISTONAFUCKINGCRUTCH.
*shudder*
This story, along with Jordan mentioning the Wooden Girl was his favorite Fear (wtf kid, you crazy bdsm boy you ;P), made me want to write this tonight.
Cool story bro.
So the Wooden Girl is scary to me. Like, super scary, if only because she's kind of technically a doll? I guess?
I read somewhere she chooses abuse victims for targets. Not sure if that's been verified, but I specifically remember reading it and thinking how sad that was. So I know I read it somewhere.
Anyway, so she chose you. Who cares why, she's a fucking Fear and she chose you. And you're fucked.
Oh God, this is going to be a super hard one for me to do, because I really don't know how to explain her AT ALL. I mean, fuck, she's a fucking puppet who controls puppets who kill shit and what the hell. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME??? It's half past 9, fuck off.
She can manipulate people to do things. When she does this, their bodies physically behave like a marionette, like there are strings attached to their joints.
Sometimes there ARE strings. o_o I don't know.
Ugh, I really don't know how to explain her right now...
I need a magical DJay doll that can just tell me what to write. I take amazing dictation! T_T
Um.
She's called the Wooden Girl because, well, she looks like she's made of wood. Her face is painted on, and her body's surrounded by strings and bits of cloth? That's what one place said, anyway. Don't know if that's always the case. And I think she can talk. Like, have a conversation.
God fucking hell. "Please leave a message at the tone." BEEEEEEEP
Fuck it, moving on.
Fortress of Solitude: The Screaming Tower
So, think of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, but not leaning, not white, going as far as your eye can see, and filled with shrieks of terror and pain. :D It's covered in blood and guts and strings and dead bodies. What a beautiful decor, yeah? I guess there's some mythical "torture chamber" towards the top, though no one's reported actually seeing it, but they claim that's where the reputed screaming comes from. And I guess the realm or whatever has "patchwork" vultures or something? Don't ask me, I didn't make this up, and I'm really not all here right now.
And for that tidbit in the link about Tower TV... Well, I could explain it, or you could read it and not be a lazy ass. :D Pretty much, that's where that Candle Cove thing comes from. That creepypasta I told y'all about? The one that's SERIOUSLY worth reading? That one. Yeah. Go read that shit. Google it. Bing it. FUCKING FIND IT.
Or click here. Bitch-ass. :/
I'll leave you with that little read, and tomorrow we'll discuss The Manufactured Newborn! Whoo! Crazy shit! Yeah!
Fucking dolls...
I guess I'm really not in a good mood. I went from "Yeah, okay, all right, this is decent enough," to "Dear Lord, give me a fucking steel bat and let me smack a few heads. Now, bitch," by the end of this post. I apologize for my
I dunno.
I just suddenly feel so Blah right now.
Like, I just don't give a shit about this.
Or anything.
I think this may be depression kicking in.
... Yeah, really thinking so.
It does that, goes from a little gnat in the back of my brain to RIGHT THERE HI HOW ARE YOU I'M EVERY BAD THOUGHT YOU COULD EVER POSSIBLY HAVE WITHOUT HAVING ONE OF YOUR WONDERFUL PANIC ATTACKS BECAUSE YOUR HEART'S NOT RACING SO YOU'RE TECHNICALLY RELAXED AND CAN'T REALLY HYPERVENTILATE THIS WAY BUT I CAN STILL MESS WITH YOU YAY!
Depression is fun, kids! :D
As sad as this may sound, and don't you dare judge me for I will find you and hunt you down and I do know where to get a steel bat and fuck you I am a heavy fucking hitter and a damn good shot, I used to cut.
>_> It made the Sound stop!
I am so dead serious right now. Pun notwithstanding.
For some reason, physical pain makes the Sound stop. Literally stop. It's the only time the Sound stops. I don't know why, but it works so fucking well, and it's so nice to have quiet in my head...
It's not like I'd cut to actually kill myself. That's fucking insane. Just enough to bleed and hurt and shhhhhhh....
Then I'd disinfect it, put a bandage on it, and be fine.
The main problem I have now is, it takes so many cuts to hush the Sound... It's like It got used to the cutting, and It can push through the one or two or five first lines. But once the blood really gets going, it just... It stops... And it's so relaxing...
But I haven't done it since last March, when James left. Sound was bad then. Real bad. And I didn't know what else to do.
It's real bad right now, too.
But I'm seeing a therapist lady, because my aunt
Dunno if I believe her or not.
Told her about wanting to cut again, and that I don't because of Danny and I know better. She says I have a very strong will.
I call bullshit.
Well, okay, I guess I don't, when I think about it. I know I'm strong and shit, look at the hell I've been through and it's plain as day I can be very strong.
But when it's just me, I don't feel strong at all.
... Fuck this, I am not going to be a girl, fuck no, I am a Tasha and Tasha does not cry like a girl.
stopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopitstopit
..*gives you a steel bat* :C
ReplyDeleteI don't judge you for cutting. I've been suicidal, myself-- it actually happens an awful lot-- and while I've never cut myself, I certainly have found it appealing. I've at least bit myself, smacked my head against a wall, and blacked out only to wake up and find I had cut up my T-shirt and almost cut up my body, though! I've been through some very low times, though I will admit that the worst bodily harm I've had hasn't been self-harm, but.. where am I going with this.
Hugs. *hug* And empathy.
Regarding The Wooden Girl, I actually didn't say she was my favourite Fear. xD Because she's not. She's one of my favourites, and I certainly do write with her a lot. I found her initial concepts attractive, and pondered on what would happen if someone were to submit to her willingly (which is where the concept of Dolls, what I call Pets, came from, which has become a bit of a staple of Wooden Girl stories).
Also, Candle Cove didn't come from Tower TV; technically speaking all involvement of Candle Cove with the Fear Mythos has been closer to fanfiction. It was an independent creepypasta that proxiehunter decided to work into To Light a Candle, a decision that caught on very quickly.
Third note: She doesn't just choose abuse victims; that depends on the story. Abuse victims are often the protagonists of Fearblogs, but that's more to get you to sympathize with their characters so their descent into madness/death will strike more emotions.
In case you're wondering what my favourite Fears are, they're EAT, The Empty City, The Choir, The Blind Man, and of course The Wooden Girl. The Mother of Snakes is an honourable mention. And of course EAT's on my list; I made her and wrote most of her. xD But I don't expect you to make a post on her anytime soon; I deliberately made her difficult to explain and very complex. It was pretty much the point from the start.
But yes. *more huggles* I hope your depression ends soon, ma'am.
Aww. You're a sweetheart.
DeleteI do too, this shit is not fun. No fun, me no want. :(
Plus side, I'm supposed to see a psychologist in January about medication. WHOOOOOO fuck I hate pills. Makes me feel even crazier.
Cutting's the worst I've done. Never been truly suicidal. Contemplated it numerous times, but would never execute the plan. ... Wtf puns?
Hugs are appreciated. TIPS WILL BE ACCEPTED IN THE FORM OF HUGS, CIGARETTES, BILLS AND THANK YOUS!
... :D Last convention I went to, I hawked alcoholic cherries. Made $81, was sticky as fuck, had two packs worth of smokes, and the underwear James had bought me for CONvergence (name of the con, so you can look it up) were stained red.
APPARENTLY WHEN YOU HAWK ALCOHOL DRUNKS PUT MONEY IN YOUR UNDERWEAR??? AND PULL YOUR TAIL. But mostly money. One guy even dropped an entire money clip in there, with a good amount of cash in it. :3 On purpose!
Fox ears + fox tail + miniskirt + alcohol = TASHA MAKES BANK
I actually love The Blind Man the most. I find him to be the least scary of the Fears, and if anything, it's more endearing to me because I don't remember anything from my childhood before the age of 12. Can't explain why, I know the stories, I've heard them so many times, but I don't actually remember. EAT's a close second, even more so in Rapture because she's an information sponge. HA, THAT'S MY URL! :D I could do EAT, if you'd like. Though, does she have a domain? I don't think I've seen anything about it, and honestly, outside of you, I don't think I've seen many people write about her at all. o_O;
Yeah, that flash cartoon made the Sound quiet down a bit. Distractions help A LOT, so thankyouthankyouthankyou. <3 That's how I make it through the day; distractions. As long as I can keep my mind preoccupied, the Sound gets drowned out by my normal thought process. Sort of, anyway. It's still there, but it's more like a whisper. Again, it only goes quiet when I cut, and I won't do that. Especially with a therapist lady watching me. >_> That's just bad juju, yo.
I've found that being suicidal doesn't usually mean actually trying to kill yourself. It simply means you wish you were dead and have lost all drive to pretend this fact doesn't exist.
Delete..but yeah! Even more hugs! *huuuuug!* I love hugging people. Made the two straight years of no social contact even harder. <:D BAH NO I should stop talking about the unhappy things when I should be continuing to hug you instead.
I find the most appealing Fears tend to be the ones I'm not scared of, merely interested by. I'm a strange horror writer since I don't write with the intention of scaring people.
EAT doesn't have a domain, no. I don't think most Fears should have them, personally. They lose their eldritch feel then, as then it feels like every Fear's just got, like, their own bedroom that they love hanging out with people in. Depends on the story, really; every Fear COULD have a domain if the story calls for it.
I also feel the need to mention that EAT's supposed to be an information sponge in every story it's in. Rapture simply happens to be the story where the reader is exposed to her more. (Also, EAT is "it" and "her" but never "she." Salmacis in Rapture being an exception because Rapture Fears are more stylized. This is a stupid rule but I feel it makes her feel a lot less comprehensible while still being complicatedly organized. Eldritch!)
A bit more info on EAT, just in case you're wondering: I came up with her when I was in that aforementioned complete-isolation, when the only people I could talk to were my abusive parents. I wound up escaping from all the stress by obsessing over things as much as possible. This is how I got to love prog so much, how I got to love the internet so much, how I got to love books and writing stories so much. I also grew attached to sleeping because it was a way to escape while conserving energy, which helped on the weeks that my parents wouldn't feed me!
I found that, whenever I was particularly stressed out and I had no way to escape at the moment, I would just.. freeze up and sit perfectly still, responding to questions abruptly, forcing myself to remove all emotion from my mind and just focus on the facts, not saying a word otherwise. This is where the Camper concept came from.
But I developed a fear that one day I'd become so dependent on my obsessions that I would go insane. I also feared that this defense mechanism of freezing up when stressed would overcome me and I'd become like that at all times. I didn't want to drown in my obsessions, as it were.
At the same time, because I knew my abusive life wasn't going anywhere, I was stuck with my obsessions because they were the only way to survive. So when I wrote about EAT (especially evident in Jordan Eats Normally Now), I had EAT sorta represent the irresistible allure of my obsessions.
Over the years, I've rounded out the Fear and added more focus on science and evolution and other such things to make it a better monster, but that's the basic gist of it.
Also, one last thing if you do decide to write a post about her: "EAT" doesn't stand for anything. It did at one point, but one of those "rounding out" decisions I made was to say that "EAT" was a canonical constant. Characters in stories would come up with names for the Fear like "the Eternal Answer Tree" or "the Evolutionary Adverse Trigger" or "Evolution's Angry Twin," and they'd always abbreviate to "EAT."
The end, hello.
Hello, hi. Sorry, my last half hour's been filled with Danny shrieks... O_e Just after my last post about RubyQuest, actually. When was that? No matter.
DeleteWell. :| I gotta be frank (but I'm Tasha?), I can't entirely empathize. My dad loves me to pieces (loves? loved? muffins?) and my mother didn't start treating me like an equal human being til my son was born. But she wasn't physically abusive? I think? Fuck, I really don't know, I can't stop Danny's cries and I'm about ready to shove a sock in it. Srsly, as bad as that sounds, yes. Anyway. I really can't remember anything before 7th grade. I just can't.
Hold on, he's started his HOLYFUCKSHITscream again...
I swear to all things holy, I don't know if I'm going to survive the night if he doesn't stop shrieking at the top of his freaking lungs... IT HAS BEEN NONSTOP SINCE... Since... Oh, ffs... OH GOD HE'S BEEN SCREAMING FOR AN HOUR. I've given him orajel, tylenol, formula, new diaper, rocked him, sang his bedtime song (You are My Sunshine), gave him lots of kisses, begged, wound up the music box, sang along to the music box... I AM OUT OF IDEAS. Fuck. I can't handle this right now. @_e
ReplyDeleteUgh.
EAT.
Logic dictates people in abusive relationships (of any kind) tend to revert to their own set of rules and quips to keep themselves sane. Furthermore, Logic also says it's good you had a way to stay at least somewhat sane. Logic would also like to say hello, because it talks and is what keeps ME sane a lot.
Like right now! :D Logic said to leave the situation before I further thought about shoving socks in my child's mouth, and leave I did. To the basement. So I could type! I hate trying to type on my iPod, especially when my nerves are all fuck you.
I should not have turned the monitor on. Logic failed on this one. That's okay, cancer break coming up before we attempt to battle the baby!
._. Logic also dictates I should mention I do realize just how ridiculously in-fucking-sane I sound right now, and I apologize for this. Try being me for a day and see how well you do. It's not easy.
Legit.
I wonder if RubyQuest will work on my iPod so I don't go even more cray-cray upstairs...
Oh.
Are you really in England? :( That's so far awayyyyyy.