Danny's Dad

It's a good thing I wrote myself a note before falling asleep last night. I would've forgotten everything I wanted to say otherwise.

Danny woke up at the ass-crack of ohmygodit'searly, so it's almost 8 right now. We're still in our pajamas; it's shower day, waiting for the inevitable smell... and for my uncle to wake up. He takes FOREVER in the bathroom every morning. Why? Because he's a lazy fuck who doesn't care about others, pretty much. It's his mental disorder thingy, that's what my aunt says.

Oh, we have another follower! HIIIIIIIIII DANNY'S STEPGRANDMA! ^w^<3

This will be interesting.

I promised to write something about Danny's dad today, so before I start nodding off at the keyboard (was up all night reading Rapture again), we should probably get started.

I met Danny's dad about a year after graduating from high school. He was dating a friend-of-a-friend, we'll call her Anna. I suppose we should give him a name, so I don't have to keep using titles.

Can I call him Fucknuts?

... No?

Fine, we'll call him Richard. Dick for short. :3

... No again?? 

Oh, for fuck's sake, fine! His name is James. Are you happy now?

... Good, because I'm sick of trying to think of stupid monikers. Fuck that. It's too early to think.

Okay, so, I met James through Anna. I was never really fond of her, to be honest. I mean, she was kind of a bitch, and she had to have HER way, and it was just never very pleasant. I put up with it, because some of my friends were friends with her, so she was in our little... group? Clique? What the fuck ever. She existed.

One day, she contacted me, asking if I needed a place to live. I had been contemplating moving out of my dad's house for about a month, and this was the perfect opportunity! Low rent, the other tenants sounded cool enough, so why not? I left Bum-Fuck-Egypt for the BIG CITY! WHOO!

And then she and James got in a big fight or something, and the day after I moved in, she moved out.

I was like "WTF?! Okay, you convince me to move all the way down to the Twin Fucking Cities, only to move back to BFE? What the shit, this is bogus."

James was all emo about it for like, a month.

On the plus side, his family's awesome. I guess. I mean, his dad's really cool, nice fella, called himself Gizmo. I believe it's safe to use his nickname, only because that really doesn't tell you much and unless you know Giz, this isn't gonna make a lick of sense to you anyway. :D

EXCEPT FOR YOU, FEARY. Because, y'know, you were married to him and shit.

Giz had two wives.

... Yeah, you read that right.

Cathy and Feary. HI FEARY! <3

And they had boyfriends.

... Yeah, you read that right, too.

They're what's called Poly-amorous. It's like, having multiple partners at the same time or blahblahblahsomething.

I still consider it swinging, but okay.

Giz also had a girlfriend, Lisa, who had a fiance, Jared; and a friend, Tim, who lived there too.

That makes 8 people in one house.

With one fucking bathroom, and very thin walls.

This is just exciting!

So I stayed there. I mean, I went through all the trouble of moving in and shit, why the hell would I leave? And rent was only like, $400 a month when I was making that much a week. Problem was, I was starting to like James. Like, really like James.

After the whole emo shtick worked through his system, he was pretty cool. We played a lot of WoW, walked around the city a bit, he showed me Doctor Who...

You know what? I really don't have enough patience to explain the entire relationship. Can we just skip all the piddly parts and get on to the part where I hate him now? ... Cool.

Blahblahblahstuffhappenedandshit, fast forward to spring 2011. Hadn't talked to James in a long while, and I was still working my $400/wk job. Never able to pay the bills, don't know how I managed to do that now that I think back on it, but I was always broke and hungry. Well, one day I get a call. It was James! Apparently he wanted to be friends again, and his girlfriend (lo and behold, Anna) had just said she was cheating on him, so he'd broken up with her and was upset and needed some company.

Me, being a typical 21 year old, figured the best company for a broken heart was at the bottom of a bottle of tequila. :D

I like tequila. Shit makes you kruuuuuuuuunk.

Well, I guess we slept together, and without protection. Lots and lots of good sex. :D Yaaaay. Lots of drinking, lots of sex, it was a good month, month and a half.

Until I got this feeling.

I wasn't getting sick, no other signs were really there. I just had this feeling.

FuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckJAMES!

Yeah, found out I was pregnant. And I'd been drinking? What the fuck is wrong with me?? Why was I drinking?! Why was I doing ANYTHING?! WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO?!?!

That's when he got down on his knees in front of me, held my hands, and said:

"Don't worry, Tasha. I'll be right here to help you. I'm gonna get a job, and I'm gonna support you, and I'll never abandon you or our baby. My childhood was hell; I didn't even meet my dad til I was in my teens. My siblings were taken away from my mom. I don't want to see that happen to anybody, especially my own kid. I want to be there. I want to be a family. We can do this, we're strong. Please, let's do this!"

And I agreed to it.

Why did I agree to it?

Why would I ever agree to it??

I blame hormones.

Then we decided to move in together, in a different city an hour away. That's where his brothers and sisters were, he said. That's where his mom was, he said. They'd be helpful and we'd be okay, he said.

So we moved. I got a new job, making significantly less than I had, but saving in gas. Things were actually going pretty well, his sister Penny was the same age as me and we were taking over her lease for her. Decent enough two bedroom, and she was awesome. I still love her to peices. The rest of his family was great, the kids were sweet (he's the oldest of 8), their adopted parents were really helpful too.

Come fall, I started to show.

And then the world went to shit.

Remember my comment about how "preggo girls aren't pretty?"

Yeah, that became a common thing in our apartment.

He didn't want to cuddle, he didn't want to have sex, he didn't really want to do anything with me anymore.

How do you go from five months of like, the best sex ever, with the best friend ever, to whatthefucknothing?

You don't do that to a girl. Especially a pregnant one. We will find a way to make your life hell.

Not necessarily intentionally.

I got really depressed. I mean, how do you NOT get upset when the person who'd been filling your head with fluff suddenly rips it all away from you? The more depressed I got, the more "he couldn't handle my hormones," and the more distant he became. The more distant he became, the more depressed and lonely I got. Here I am, feeling like a whale, being told I'm ugly and unattractive and shit, and I'm NOT supposed to be sad about it??

Oh, it gets worse.

6 weeks before our son was born, he tells me he's back together with Anna. The same Anna who's broken his heart I don't know how many times. The same Anna that cheated on him.

Oh, no, wait, according to him, she "lied" about cheating, because everybody else was saying she was, so she did too.

...

Yeah, I know it's a crock of shit, you know it's a crock of shit, we all know she's a whorebag.

That didn't make matters any better. I started getting terrible preggo symptoms; dizzy spells, lack of breath, ankles so swollen I couldn't put my hands around them (they were about a foot in circumference, shit you not), BP so high I shouldn't have been allowed to move. But I kept going. How could I not? I was the only one working, I had to keep working, I couldn't stop working or we'd be evicted.

Weekend of New Year's. He went to Anna's for a party. I stayed home and worked.

That's all I ever did by that point.

And Braxton-Hicks was kicking my ASS.

I went in to the hospital, because oh god that shit was fucking terrible and I really thought I was going in to labor and I was scared shitless, only to be told I wasn't.

James' brother Joey had brought me in, but couldn't come get me. Nobody could come get me. And my car was 40+ blocks away. My phone was nearly dead. I did the logical thing: I called James.

"Oh, you want me to come get you? ... I can't, Anna says I can't leave her party to get you, that's not fair to her..."

Yeah.

And then my phone died. I was stranded.

Well, fuck that shit, yo. I'm tough, and I was pissed as fuck, which gives me so much more energy and tenacity.

I walked.

At the end of December.

In Minnesota.

Then it snowed like fuck.

And I still walked.

I don't think I talked to him for... A couple days? I don't remember, I was so Goddamn mad.

The week before Danny was born, he invited Anna over, giving me no choice because "she had nowhere else to go, she was kicked out of her dad's because he found out we were dating." Fuck you, I should've kicked you out when you told me, too, you piece of shit. But I'm not like that. I let her stay. It was only supposed to be for a night... That turned into two... Then three... Then four...

I keep having to take breaks in typing. I don't cry. Crying is for girls. But sometimes I feel like I'm about to, so I keep having to take a moment. It's 10 after 9 now.

Then I found out James was going to move to a different city. Half an hour away. With Anna. The month after Danny was born.

If you can't tell yet, this was probably the worst year of my life.

Ugh.

Well, we're gonna fast forward a bit, because I don't feel like getting upset right now.

Skipping along to all the little bullshits... Let's see... First, he's NEVER ONCE asked about Danny. Not once. He's never called us. He's never texted us. I was the one that tried to keep contact.

Second, he still didn't have a job. So while he should've been home taking care of Danny like we'd planned, I had to find someone else to watch him. He found someone for me, but that someone was a complete incompetent moron. I wish I'd known ahead of time how terribly she'd take care of Danny...

Third, he started blaming me for all his problems; I was ruining his relationship with Anna, I was keeping his son from him, I was telling lies to people, I was too mean...

Fourth, he stopped talking to us. If it wasn't for Penny, things might never have been resolved. For a month. :/

The only good thing James has done was watch Danny when I needed it most. After I had to explain what had happened, and how dangerous the situation was, he finally relented and watched him for three weeks.

That was three weeks of hell, not having my baby with me. But he had to be safe.

Then I got him back. I made it out. I moved here with my aunt, and I got Danny back.

James wanted to have him again the next weekend. I ended up giving in, because Danny needs to have his dad around, right? And then they posted them.

Pictures of their "happy family" facade. With my son in them.

... Well, okay, that's not exactly WHY they did those pictures, but that doesn't mean it's not how I felt. I explained it to Anna, that yes, I was a little jealous and I didn't really appreciate it. She said she understood. I know better now.

I realize this is ridiculously long. I'm sorry.

They decided not to send all his things home with him. Danny was missing things after that trip. And I was not a happy camper. When I confronted James about it, and confronted is really the best word, I found out Anna decided not to send it back. She got it for him in the first place, so she has the right to say where it should be, right?

That was her logic.

That's bullshit logic.

You buy something for someone, it should stay with that someone. It's no longer yours once you give it to them.

Fucking c-u-n-t nugget.

Did I mention I don't like her? Because I don't.

I told him I was done dealing with her stupid, and him going along with it. If he had half a brain, he'd know his son should come first, not his piece of shit girlfriend.

Oh, excuse me. They're engaged now. Whatever.

We haven't talked since a week or so before Halloween. I told him to leave us alone until he decided to pull his head out of his ass. He took it as me saying never to speak to us again. That's what he's telling people, anyway. Fine. Whatever. He thinks he's going to get a lawyer and fight me for custody.

Ha. What an idiot.

The boy's an idiot, and frankly, I'm fine not dealing with him. His family is here to support us, and they're the best family my Danny boy could hope for. We love him and care about him and make sure he never wants for anything. :)

So fuck you, James. You can suck my left nut til it stops being an ovary. And your fiance can choke on her c-u-n-t hairballs. :D

Sorry, I can't actually say the c-word... It's just... It's a bad word. I can spell it out, though it's still bad, and putting the hyphens in it helps me type it out, but I just can't... I can't type it out, as much as I want to.

And I really want to, because I fucking hate them. :3

Oh well, we're excited because we get to see Giz and Lisa Christmas eve. I want to get together with Feary, but y'know, it's hard to do when neither of us have vehicles and it's the end of the month so I have no money.

I currently get a little over $400 a month in cash assistance, and a bit over $300 in food stamps.

Not ashamed to say it. I've been working 40+hrs/wk since the day I turned 19. Fuck you if you think I'm mooching, I paid plenty of dues in taxes. I'm still owed for 2010, never filed, so they still have my money. Fuck people who judge.

That said, it's really hard to make $400 last a month with a Danny. Diapers aren't cheap, and wipes, and he's going through clothes like mad, and I need toiletries, and I'm supposed to pay some kind of rent, and I help pay for gas in my aunt's car and uncle's truck... :/ It's really not easy. I think I have enough money for one more pack of cancer sticks, though I may save it for gas. Haven't figured it out yet. I still have like, $150 left in food, but it can only be used for consumable food-like unprepared substances. Excluding alcohol, which is fine.

I'm too scared to put Danny in daycare, though... I barely got to spend any time with him for the first 9 months of his life. I'd like to finally be with my baby for a bit, kthx.

Okay, it's 9:36. I'm gonna check Danny, see if we can get that shower going, then either do that and get laundry started (heh, didn't do it yesterday) or have a cancer stick and read some more while we wait. He's playing with the phone again, so cute. :3

So later we're gonna do a post about The Wooden Girl, since Jordan says she's his favorite and I personally get such a kick out of the Candle Cove spin-off thing. :D

SPEAKING OF JORDAN! DJAY! YOU! If you've managed not to get bored and read this far...

Um...

What is this RubyQuest Jordan (Rapture) talks about? Also, he's so freaking adorable. ^w^ I love this so far, please tell me it just gets better and better from here? Please!

^_~v