Holy Freaking Oh My God

o__________o;

Um...

So...

Today has been a day from hell.

Seriously.

It started at 3 this morning.

Danny woke up.

Mind you, at about 10:30 I'd pulled him into my bed, because fuck you I wanted to cuddle my baby and it helps me sleep at night to have him nearby.

So I woke up to being smacked in the face by a very playful baby.

Now, I don't mind the fact that he woke me up, per se. I do mind the fact that it was 3 in the flippin' morning, and he didn't go down til half past 8. The fact that I couldn't sleep til 11 was probably a prevalent factor in me not being a happy camper about the whole ordeal.

...

And then the crazy kicked in. o_o

Danny would play for about 10 minutes, then fall asleep for 5. I'd fall back asleep instantly.

Then he'd wake up and play again for 10 minutes, and fall back asleep. Wake up, fall asleep. Wake up, fall asleep. Wet, lather, rinse, repeat.

o_e Fuckin' fuck.

This went on for at least an hour.

Finally having enough, and about ready to go to the garage and find me some duct tape, I decided to try and get him back to sleep.

Oh, I forgot to mention, I didn't actually know what time it was. I had originally thought it was about 5 in the morning when Danny started his crazy. ... Yeah, shoulda checked a clock...

I went out into the kitchen, saw the lights on, and thought maybe my aunt was awake and getting ready for work. Because, y'know, if we'd woken up at 5, it should now be around 6, and that's about when she wakes up.

... Nope.

In the most literal way one can do this action, I did a double-take on the stove clock after retrieving Danny's sippy cup. I was seriously that shocked.

Only 4 AM? Really??

Er... Okay, then why is the kitchen light on?

Where is everybody?

OH GOD, AM I HAVING A NIGHTMARE OR SOMETHING?

*pinch*

Fuck ow no definitely awake ow.

I brought Danny his cup, changed his diaper, gave him his Leap Frog turtle book thing... Hold on, I'll put an image of it...

This. He loves this thing. If you put the slider on the right side up to the music notes, the little toes on his feet play c-major scale, and it'll play songs, and while playing songs if you hit any of the toes it'll play one note at a time so you can kind of learn the song, and the four buttons toward the top will play animal sounds corresponding with the animals on the page, and that light on his head (it's a ?, btw) will play more songs and stuff...

Yeah. I gave that to him in his crib.

Turned on the little IKEA wall lamp my mom had gotten me as a kid (I was an avid night reader, and this was an attempt to help me see so I'd stop bitching about migraines in the morning; plus, the bulb is soft so it doesn't bother me when sleeping), rolled the fuck over and attempted to pass out.

Approximately five minutes later, or at least I think it was about this much because fuck you I had my damn eyes closed and they were not opening, my aunt knocked on my door and asked if I was still up. Exasperated, I swiftly growled affirmation. She came in and sat on the edge of my bed before asking if she could take Danny, since her asthma had her fully awake now and her husband's insomnia was kicking his ass. She said she'd feed him breakfast and play with him and keep him company til he fell asleep again.

YESYESYESYESYESletmesleepdeargod.

Fast forward.

I kept waking up every half hour after that, because suddenly my room was quiet and my mind was like 'Oh hell naw, that ain't right, get yo ass up womanz!' and I was like 'Oh fuck you, I ain't gettin' up, ess-tee-eff-you brain!'

To which I'd roll over and sleep some more.

This continued even after Danny fell back asleep. At 7.

HE WAS UP FOR FOUR HOURS FOR NO APPARENT REASON.

WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK CHILD?!?!

Rawr...

My aunt fed him breakfast, 4 cookies, and a whole sippy cup. She let him play and play til he wore himself out and nearly fell asleep standing.

D'awww... Crazy little fuck...

Skimming through the day, yada yada yada, he barely ate much the rest of the day, blah blah blah, stickiest stinky butt I've ever seen, so on and so forth, NETFLIX HAS DISNEY'S TREASURE PLANET AND THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND WE WATCHED THEM BOTH AND I SWEAR ALL THE GOOD THINGS I CAN SORT OF REMEMBER ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD CAME FLOODING BACK AND I WAS SO FUCKING HAPPY AND DANNY SAT SO NICE WATCHING THEM WITH ME HE WAS SO CONTENT FOR THE FIRST TIME ALL FUCKING DAY IT WAS EPIC, dadada, he started getting super crazy again and my uncle was being a fucking asshole about it, seriously contemplated killing the man, put Danny down for sleep at about 8:30...? Maybe 8:45, I don't know, my uncle's too fucking stupid to know how to use the Info button on the damn remote so I could see the time. Totally not joking on that.

Also.

Today's laundry day.

Or at least, it was supposed to be.

So yesterday my uncle decided to dick around with the hot water. He got a wild hair up his ass while trying to get the basement ready so Danny and I could play there safely (and out of his way) and decided to hook up the water softener.

Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but.

My uncle knows nothing about plumbing.

Now, I don't mean like, he's just a retard and can't do a damn thing right to save his soul. Because this is true, but it's not what I'm trying to convey here.

He literally knows nothing about plumbing, and he'll be the first to admit this.

He knows a little about a lot of things, and a lot about cars and electrical wiring stuff.

Nothing about plumbing whatsoever.

... At least he had the decency yesterday to wait til we'd taken a shower before turning the hot water off.

In doing all this, though, he somehow messed a bunch of things up and other water things weren't working correctly, so today he decided to fix all this.

Cool, I guess.

Until I discovered he'd unhooked the washer and dryer.

Mind you, I discovered this right away upon waking up. He said he'd get it done within the hour.

My laundry didn't get started til 6:30.

...

>_< sdakljhfkljlasdhgldahwjkghasdlhf mother of fucking I swear I'm going to smack him.

AND EVEN THEN, THE FUCKING WASHER WASN'T GETTING ENOUGH WATER PRESSURE AND DECIDED TO SHUT ITSELF OFF.

sadkjfgthawevnijukligrsdvlhnrjfkhrgefjkhnadfsgjkhvweacfmgnahrtujekvnejklxjfhndvgljhcklmvhnfjkrfsdkchk,mhnjkhengckjhxjoimfnghqxwdiklmcynhviecjklxhrijkxmhnjkshfrnkvshme;xchnjfriovuhe\

Fuck.

I'm gonna end up smashing this poor keyboard out of frustration...

Ugh.

So, yeah. I finally got one load of laundry through (aunt suggested halving the load, which actually worked), the second one's in, and I have one more to go, though I may have to split that one as well. Each load takes an hour through a machine.

If I do three loads, that's four hours.

If I do four loads, that's five hours.

We've already done one hour.

I AM NOT STAYING UP THAT FUCKING LATE FOR SOME FUCKING LAUNDRY.

God damn it all to fucking hell and back.

So, my original plan for today was to do a post on The Choir (or, if you've decided to read Rapture, The Musicians), because it reminds me so much of my Sound, and I think I can understand that one more than any other.

... But yeah. All that shit up there happened.

I haven't even been in a give-a-fuck-enough mood to get out of my pajamas all fucking day.

YAY BLACK PLAID PAJAMA PANTS! With shiny silver threads! :O

Fuck, I even ran up to Walgreen's to get a pack of smokes in my fucking pajamas.

I just don't care.

Seriously.

We think Danny may be coming down with something, since his behavior today was so atypical, and the rest of us aren't feeling quite up to snuff either. I know I'm not, for sure. So when the boy behind the counter looked me over funny (he's seen me many times and knows I usually dress nicer than that), all I had to say was Sick Baby and he nodded solemnly.

Sick Baby indeed.

Son of a biscuit.

In other news, I was supposed to meet up with a bunch of old high school friends on Sunday. But the boy who was planning it decided to cancel because, well, people were flaking out at the last second and there was only like, three of us willing to go by noon today. And then I discovered, after IMing him for a bit, that he made back-up plans with Anna. His immediate response after messaging me this was to say he didn't really want to be with her, because she's such a c-word, but he had nothing better to do and now that the plans were finalized he couldn't just back out. He's way too polite to do that, even if he's not exactly her number one fan and he'd rather hang out with me.

I don't mind, really, but I mean... This was to be my first actual day away from Danny, that I wanted to be away from Danny. I went down to my cousin's wedding in Chicago because my aunt said it would be good for me, and her brother was driving us, and she could handle Danny by herself (she was a single mom, so I will never doubt her ability to babysit), and it'd do me some good to see the rest of the family, and get out to a big city and have a few drinks with my cousins and enjoy the time away from home because I never get out of the house.

So I didn't really want to go, but y'know, she's a pushy woman. And I'm terrified of defying her, she's the only reason I'm not sleeping on the street without my Danny boy.

I'm tough as fuck, not fucking stupid.

I just realized I've been saying 'fuck' a lot in this post. Sorry for the profanity, it's been a seriously long day...

I'm pretty sure I no longer have a boyfriend. He won't respond to me on Skype or Yahoo. :/ I guess the guys I actually pursue just don't... I dunno, like me? Blah. Inadequacies abound, not like I can't see why they wouldn't. I mean, I push people away. I'm just not meant to be with somebody.

Fuck it. I DON'T NEED YOU. I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT. I CAN DO THIS BY MYSELF.

I DON'T NEED ANYBODY.

I don't need anybody.

I don't need anybody.

...

Funny how people repeat things in an effort to make them true.

EDIT: 9:59 PM
AWESOMESAUCE! Jordan, you are so awesome. I can't think of a better word right now because I'm fucking tired, but you are awesome.

So Jordan here runs the Fear Mythos Wiki page, and he put my blog in the list! I am so excited! ^w^

You can find it here: The Fear Mythos Wiki - The Blogs

Two cool things about this.

One, it means I might get more traffic, which means we might get more people who are willing to add their voice to my research, which means this will be a lot more in-depth and stuff, which means I AM SO EXCITED because I love getting other people's inputs!

Two... :3 Hehe, I count as a Fear blog! That's just... That's so freaking epic. I feel like I could squee.

Seriously, you guys have no idea how amazing this is to me. Oh my god.

... I suppose I should start getting more... I dunno, serious, in my writing?

...

Nah, that ruins half the fun of reading! It's a lot more interesting this way. At least, I think so, because I'm a dork and I like to reread my own work when my attention span decides to go wonky. Which it does a lot.

THAT REMINDS ME! I am here, about halfway through the page. Meaning after this, I have 12 posts left to read.

Um, that's actually very depressing.

But then I plan to go read from here on in this blog, then I want to read this blog. Actually, just because I seriously, honest to God, laughed so hard I thought my face was going to split, click that last link there. Just read that one post. Just that one, for now.

Comment if you recognize the reference.

I'm curious to see how many wonderful people will catch that. YOU WILL BE REWARDED! WITH HUGS! AND HEARTS! And maybe some other things, but mostly hugs and hearts.

EDIT: 10:18 PM
Okay, because I'm a dork and decided to quickly read a short blog, I just finished reading this one. Like, it only took about 5 minutes to read.

... Don't really want to admit this, but in lieu of how I am, I may as well.

I spent about 10 minutes staring into space.

I don't know why.

>_>

OPE LAUNDRY'S DONE! Time to switch loads. Oh joy, another two hours to go...

... And it's dark upstairs, everyone else went to bed.

Happy Friday.

EDIT: 11:15 PM
o_e; Two loads through the machines, last load's still got half an hour in the washer.

And the washer likes to pause itself, so it'll probably be like, midnight, when I finally get to sleep.

asdkjhgadekjghasevklnhteicjkhnt

At least I got the first two loads done and folded and ready to go upstairs. I'm just gonna put the last load in the dryer, set it to 70 minutes (clothes don't always dry completely if you don't manually use the Timed Dry option) and fuck that shit bed time yo.

So help me God, if I get a repeat of last night...

...

If I get a repeat, I may be writing this blog from a prison computer.

I will end up killing someone.

>_<

Fuck, I'm so tired...

SOMEONE MESSAGE ME OR SOMETHING! KEEP ME AWAKE! I NEED TO STAY AWAKE AND FINISH THIS SHIT!

I'm reading this while I wait. I just got to the T-Z section.

I love that website, it's surprisingly interesting. Working on getting everyone at Gizmo's house into it. They're trying to get me into SCP, which I know a little about, but am not too interested in yet.

Maybe later, guys. Let me finish this Fear stuff first, THEN I'll check that out.

ONE OBSESSION AT A TIME, JESUS CHRIST.

That reminds me.

So Jordan was explaining how EAT was like, a Fear-manifestation of his need for obsessions during... Well, we'll call it "the dark times."

I can relate to that.

For me, I get obsessed with, say, a video game franchise. Or a random obscure type of -ology. Or a certain author.

Or, y'know, a mythos. :D

Mostly -ology related stuff, like Egyptology, archaeology, paleontology, astronomy, astrology, various regions' mythologies... Sturf. I lyk sturf.

And I get seriously obsessed.

Like, I have to know EVERYTHING about it.

These "things" happen usually after a serious traumatic event, in what I can only assume is my mind's way of dealing with whatever just fucking happened. To be fair, and I've stated this many times, I don't remember A LOT of my childhood, so I don't really know why I had a lot of these weird "research moments" because I don't remember the events leading up to them. 

Maybe it's like, a way to cheer myself up after whatever happened?

If that's the case, I've been fighting Depression since I was like, 4.

...

That's... That's kind of... That's pretty... Well...

That's fucked up, yo.

o_O

Ah well.

I need some cancer. It's been a long fucking day. ._.; 

EDIT: 11:53 PM
WHAT DID I FUCKING TELL YOU?

Jesus fucking oh my God...

Washer says it's almost done, though. Maybe 5 more minutes. Then I can finally go to fucking bed.

Sadly, I'm wide awake in my sleepiness.

...

Does that make sense?

Like, I'm so exhausted I feel like I could sleep forever, but my mind is AWAKE AS ALL FUCKING GET OUT.

Yaaaaaay...

I wish Jordan was online, I'm so bored and I'd kill to chat with him. He's such a nice guy to chat with, really he is. And he's super sweet, and really funny.

Reminds me of myself a lot.

Which, I suppose, is a plus, seeing as how I love talking to myself.

Well, I don't really talk to myself, I just like reading myself?

I'm confusing.

EITHER WAY! I wish I had someone to talk to.

I hate being so lonely...

WASHER DONE OMG SLEEP!